Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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