doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
