Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
