he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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