we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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