I accidentally had phone sex last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize