She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
