Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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