finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
