Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
pray to the hookup gods
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
