i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
