I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
