Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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