i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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