Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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