Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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