so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
