Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
