Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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