And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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