Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sext me about skeletons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
