Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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