Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
