Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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