what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love accidental penises.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
