D3 body, D1 cock
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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