If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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