anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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