I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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