so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
