Umm I'm too high to move.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
