Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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