is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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