I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
