SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
pray to the hookup gods
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
