Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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