she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
