this boner is exhausting
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
