the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize