Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
