I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
