I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
