I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
