My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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