please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
