I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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