college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
