I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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