I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
