I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they're like a gay fantastic four
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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