Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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