I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
