vagina is talking i cant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
