I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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