I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
