you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
