Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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