You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
