I'm jealous of your bromance
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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