Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
