Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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