i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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