She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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