from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
