I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
